Waiting

It seems like I am waiting for so many things.  I’m waiting for my new contacts, which the optometrist claims are going to make a huge improvement in my vision.  I’m waiting for the referral for my low vision evaluation at ABVI.  I’m waiting for my retina specialist to talk to me about the impending surgery on my left eye. As my vision continues to deteriorate, I feel eager for all the help I can get.

The one thing I am NOT waiting for is my next Avastin injection, and that has been moved up a week.  I don’t know why I dread those shots.  They really don’t hurt.  I’ve only had a problem two times, once when I moved my eye and got a little abrasion and once when the injection caused a visible “bubble” that took a few days to go away.  I guess I just hate the thought of that shot in my eye.

A great help in this low vision journey has been prayer.  When I was a teenager, I prayed every day that God would heal my vision.  Jesus healed many blind people, why shouldn’t I be healed?  I wore “coke bottle” glasses and my opthalmologist at the time wouldn’t let me get contacts until my vision stabilized.  (He didn’t realize that my vision would never stabilize – if I had waited for that I still wouldn’t be wearing contacts.)  I hated those glasses and I wanted to be able to SEE.  So, I prayed for healing all through high school.  Now that my vision deterioration has gone into overdrive, I am praying again about my vision.  This time, my prayer is a little different.  I found this prayer that I really love:

SAINT LUCY,
whose beautiful name signifies light,

by the light of Faith which God bestowed upon you,
increase and preserve God’s light in my soul,
so that I may avoid evil,
be zealous in the performance of good works,
and abhor nothing so much as the blindness and the darkness
of evil and sin.

Obtain for me, by your intercession with God,
Perfect vision for my bodily eyes
and the grace to use them
for God’s greater honor and glory.

St. Lucy, virgin and martyr,
hear my prayers and obtain my petitions.
Amen.

I love this prayer.  It asks for healing of my physical eyes, but it focuses more on the WAY I want to see.  I want to use my eyes for the greater glory of God, to increase and preserve God’s light in my soul.  The blindness and darkness of evil and sin are worse than physical blindness and darkness, and this prayer reminds me of that daily.  My role on this earth may not be to see with physical eyes, maybe my task is to see with eyes of love and compassion.  I pray that my spiritual eyes open even as my physical vision deteriorates.  I pray for the grace to continue to see beauty in the world and the people around me.  I waited all through high school, and my prayer for restored vision was not realized.  Now, though, the good news is that I find that this little prayer I pray each day is having a result.  Grace is being given to me to see the beauty in the world.  I am working toward being more loving and patient.  I am finding hope and peace as I travel into low vision living.

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