Through A Glass Darkly

I am blind in my left eye.  I expected this.  I prepared for this.  Still, when the tech at my doctor’s office removed the bandage, covered my right eye, and asked what I could see, I was shocked to find that I could see nothing.  My doc says everything looks good and my vision will return in a few days.  Knowing that this is normal and temporary does not reduce the horror of opening my eye and seeing nothing.  When I look in the mirror, my left eye looks blind, dead.  What is the tell-tale sign that it is blind?  It is the right size and shape.  It moves normally.  But it can’t see and somehow that shows.  My husband says it is because it looks flat and it has no sparkle.  It makes me absolutely sick to look at it.

Looking out through my left eye is also disconcerting.  I have thought of myself as being almost-blind in that eye for a while, since my vision deteriorated to less than 20/200 with contacts.  I was wrong.  Now that the eye is really blind, I realize how good 20/200 sight really is.  My son was not content with me describing my eye as “blind.”  He asked me several questions and we determined that I can see that it is daylight.  I can see if there is a big movement in front of me –  when he stood in front of me and waved his arms, I could tell something was going on.  But that is it.  I can’t see blurry shapes or blotches of color or anything.

I am really happy that I can see light.  I know that some people cannot even see any light.  I am thankful that this blindness is temporary.  My vision will return and will probably be better than it was before the surgery.  Meanwhile, I am learning to adapt to having vision in only one eye.  I am learning to be comfortable in the “head down” position that my doctor is requiring for the next few days.  I am thinking a lot about what I can learn from this temporary vision loss.  So far, it is a struggle to find any grace in this, except the fact that it is temporary.  No, that’s not true.  I have heard from long-lost friends who are thinking of me and praying for me.  I have had time to just sit and relax with my family members.  I know that there are other gifts hidden in this temporary blindness.  I just have to watch and wait until they are revealed to me.

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5 thoughts on “Through A Glass Darkly

  1. Hi, I was wondering whether you regained back the vision in the eye that was operated? My mother had her surgery this week, and she is experiencing the same thing as you did, and obviously we are all very worried. Please let me know.

  2. You are an amazing woman for what you are going through and bless you for having a positive energy about yourself that must no doubt be infectious to anyone you meet.

    • Thanks for your nice comment, Amy. I haven’t had a chance to catch up on your blog lately. Hope you have been taking on some interesting new challenges! I look forward to catching up soon.

  3. Belinda, you are a very brave person. Much braver than your sister. I can’t imagine finding positives in what you are going through, but I’m so glad you can.

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