Sometimes events don’t go as planned. My retina specialist does not want me to go back to work on Monday. I have mixed feelings about this. I feel bad for leaving tasks at my two jobs undone. I feel disheartened at the thought of a couple more weeks at home. I am beginning to feel bored with all those hours stretching out before me at home each day, while I am ordered to “take it easy.” Still, a part of me is relieved. I don’t know how I would do my work. The truth is I can’t see. I certainly can’t drive. I have a headache all the time. I can only look at the computer screen for a few minutes at a time. I need a couple of naps every day.
It makes sense that I can’t go back to work. The bubble is still taking up half of my left eye. I can’t focus (even with glasses) through the clear part of that eye, above the bubble. But I feel sad. I miss my work friends. I miss being busy. I am tired of resting. I am tired of worrying. I feel like I am wasting time.
What is the grace in this situation? What are the positive aspects of more days of recuperation? Well, I am home when Benjamin gets home from school. It’s nice to be able to sit and talk with him when the events of his school day are fresh in his mind. I am also spending more time with Sam. Our schedules usually conflict and so it is good to see him as he comes and goes. Another positive is that this time at home is allowing me to get used to moving around with reduced vision. I’m venturing out on tiny walks and breaking through my fears of falling. I’m practicing my photography. Also, I have time to “read” Scripture and think about interesting passages. I’m praying a lot. I am definitely moving along on my spiritual journey.
It’s good to think about the positives of being home. In the next few days, I should get stronger and be able to do more. The headaches should go away. I won’t need to rest as much. It’s important to acknowledge that the time I have spent so far has not been wasted. Even in my resting and recuperating, God has been doing work. Healing my eye, for sure. But also internal work – making me spiritually stronger and able to be a more positive influence in the world. I am being prepared to be the person I need to be in order to continue to have a proactive transition into low vision living. My role is to be patient and allow the work to be done in me.