Last night was one of those nights when I could not stay asleep. I kept waking up. I was full of worries and fears. I hate nights like that. There was not one big worry on my mind, and the small fears that were nagging at me in the night seem harmless this morning. I don’t know why fears seem to grow during the night. When I was a child, if I went to bed and started having these fears and worries, I would go and see if my Mom was still up. She was always reassuring, telling me “Go to sleep. Everything will look better in the morning.” She was right. This morning, everything seems more manageable and less frightening.
There is a song that I love that speaks to this idea of night fears. It is by Everlast and Santana, “Put Your Lights On.” The refrain is
Cause there’s a monster living under my bed
Whispering in my ear
There’s an angel, with a hand on my head
She say I’ve got nothing to fear
Last night, the monster was definitely under my bed, whispering fears of tasks undone and inadequacies and worries about how my vision will affect my future. I thought of this song and imagined that there was an angel with a cool hand on my forehead, and it really helped me to calm down and drift off to sleep.
Here is one video of the song
To me, this song is a call to get beyond my fears. Nighttime fears (like the ones that ruled last night) as well as daytime fears. There are always going to be some fears, but sometimes I allow my fears to paralyze me. I need to let light shine into my life – from other people, from God – and I need to allow my light to shine into the world and into other people’s lives. I do have a purpose to serve, and if I spend my life in the dark I will never accomplish it. And, if I spend many nights the way I spent last night – tossing and turning and worrying and obsessing – I will just drag through my days sleepy and grumpy. I don’t want to live my life full of fears. I want to put my lights on and be my best for the world.