I have a feeling that the next couple of days are going to be stressful. Today I will meet with a caseworker from the New York State Commission for the Blind and Visually Impaired. He is going to do my pre-screening and talk to me about whether his organization (or any partner organization) can provide me with some help at work. I am cautiously optimistic that something good will come out of our meeting.
Then, tomorrow, I will get an injection of Avastin in my right eye. I’m not too worried, since my last few shots have been fine. What’s one more shot after getting so many? I seem to be on track with my vision. Everything seems stable. I never know, though, what tests my rs will want to run and what he will find. So, there is a little stress around going to the appointment.
Because I am facing a couple of stressful days, I thought that this would be a good time to look at the things I have gained during this journey into low vision living. It’s easy to dwell on the losses that come with deteriorating vision (no more reading “real” books and newspapers, losing my part time job, not having good depth perception that helped me go down stairs), but it is much more helpful to think about blessings that have come along instead.
1) I have a new attitude. I am able to look at a situation I am facing and, very quickly, find the grace. I have spent most of my life being a glass-half-empty kind of girl, and I find it remarkable that I now see the glass as half-full. I still have bad days when I face unpleasant procedures and difficult decisions, but my overall outlook is so much more positive than before.
2) I love writing this blog. The daily writing, itself, is a blessing. I have always wanted to be a writer, but I would look at my words on a page and find them clunky and graceless. Somehow, when I write about my experience of transition, the words flow in a way that pleases me. It is a joyful and healing process for me. Plus, it is so wonderful that the tool that is helping me understand my journey is also helpful to other people. I feel connected to family and friends through this blog. I have made so many new friends and received so much positive feedback.
3) My husband, John, and I are having so much fun exploring Rochester parks. We love the amazing amount of green space in this city and going to parks to take photos for the list is a great pastime. I don’t know that we would have taken the time to visit all the city parks without the impetus of my vision loss. I am so proud that our relationship has not been harmed by the stress of my deteriorating vision but that we have, in fact, grown closer.
Three blessings out of many. I feel peaceful now. I am ready to face today and tomorrow and whatever they may bring.