Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy! It was hard for me to be positive and look for grace when I was basically feeling mean and rotten today, I have not received any of my assistive technology yet and I am really losing my patience. I have my desk set up so that my monitor is pulled right up close to me and I sit so that it is about six inches away from my face. IT promises me that ZoomText will be installed “soon,” and I am trying to be patient, but it is hard.
How do I walk the line between being pushy and being a pushover? How do I get what I need without drawing attention to my “disability”? I have asked nicely for installation of the software three times (once a week) since I found out that Nazareth already owns it. Now, I want to yell at someone. Instead, I try to be patient and wait.
Today, I had a lot of computer work to do. I stared at the screen all day. I left work with a terrible headache. Unfortunately, I took out my frustration and annoyance on my family when I got home. I know this is not fair to them.
Tomorrow, I will ask again for the ZoomText to be installed. Hopefully, when I finally get it, it will be the solution that I hope it is going to be. I want to be able to do my job and still be pleasant to my family at the end of the day. Surely there is a way that I can do both.
So, where is the good news? Where is the grace in the waiting for the new technology? Wher is the grace in grumpiness? For one thing, there is grace in my family’s love and tenderness toward me at the end of a hard day. I could feel them loving me back into acting human. There is grace in the willingness of my student workers to help me “read” any fine print. There is grace in my learning to walk the line between being pushy and being a pushover. I am learning to stand up for myself in a way I never have before. It is necessary for me to learn to advocate for myself. I think the grace is in learning to advocate for myself while still maintaining kindness and gentleness. The really good news, at the end of the day, is that my family loves and supports me. That is the grace I need.