Some days it seems like I take two steps forward and one step back.
Other days, it’s different.
Those days it feels more like I take one step forward and two steps back.
Today was one of those days. I have been doing well with accepting my vision loss. Things have been fairly stable for quite a while now. I already have ZoomText on my computer at work. More assistive technology is on the way. All steps forward. Today, though, I took some steps backward. I could not seem to get my vision to focus. I was seeing a lot of sparkling or shimmering or distortion of some kind. That has not happened in so long that I had forgotten about it. Working on the computer was difficult. Driving was even worse. I felt frustrated and sad and annoyed all day as I tried to do my work. Many steps backward.
What do I do with these forward/backward steps on my journey? If I focus on a day like today, it is easy to be discouraged. So, I can’t focus on these days. I have to look at the big picture and see that the future is not bleak, but instead is actually very bright. A bad day or a few backward steps do not cancel out the beautiful progress I have been making. Experiencing “negative” feelings of annoyance and frustration do not cancel out my generally positive attitude.
I am thinking that my journey into low vision living is like training for a marathon. It takes a long time to prepare. Sometimes I will reach a plateau and it will seem like I am making no progress. Injuries and setbacks are part of the process, and there will be days when I am forced to rest or slow down or even take time off to recuperate. The important thing is to keep going, to not get discouraged, to press on toward the finish line. For me, the finish line is to live a life where I see God’s grace at work in the world, where I make a difference, where I live to my fullest potential.
So, even though I had a bad day today, I will not see it as two steps backward and only one forward. I will see it as one small step backward on a journey in which I am pressing forward to make the most of each day, of each moment. I will remember that I am a whole person, no matter what happens with my vision. I will look at the big picture and focus on finding the blessings that are in store for me.