Being Transformed

Writing this blog has been very therapeutic for me.  I am able to explore my thoughts and feelings about my loss of vision.  By writing about what is going on in my life, I am reminded to search for God’s grace in every situation.  My family and friends can read about my journey here and understand me better.  Through writing this blog, I also am able to connect with other people who have low vision.  I feel very supported by the online low-vision community.  My dream is that I can offer other people hope and support on their own journeys.  I hope that I can show people (including myself) that most situations hold a blessing, if we can only find it.

Sometimes, when I sit down to write, negative thoughts come screaming into my mind.  I question whether I have anything of value to say.  I ask myself why anyone would want to read my silly words.  I devalue my words, my thoughts, my experiences, my self.  I force myself to stop thinking this way.  It helps to think of a short scripture:

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. —Romans 12:2

I know that I can not allow negative thoughts to stay in my mind.  I like to imagine myself physically picking up each negative thought and throwing it  away.  Fears, low self-esteem, self doubts, negative self talk, and anxieties are  destructive and they have to go.  Once I get rid of all the negativity, I imagine my mind as a blank canvas.  Then, I begin to paint good, positive, beautiful thoughts on that canvas.  Scripture passages, inspirational quotes, acknowledging moments of grace in my own life, and counting blessings all renew my mind and transform my thoughts from negative to positive.

It is so important, as I travel this journey, to stop negative thoughts as soon as I notice them.  If I allow them to take over, self-pity sets in and a negative spiral will begin.  It’s as if my mind is a garden full of beautiful flowers.  Negative thoughts are little weeds that crop up in the garden.  The more I allow negative thoughts to plant themselves in my mind, the deeper they root themselves in my heart, and the harder the weeds are to uproot.  This is dangerous for anyone, but for a person on a journey to an unknown destination, these weeds can become a real problem as they choke out life.  The bigger they grow, the harder it is to see the beautiful flowers.  If I pull the weeds the minute I begin to see them, they are much easier to get rid of.

For me, writing this blog is one of the greatest joys of my journey.  I think that’s why there are so many insecurities wrapped up in the process of writing it.  It’s really important that, as soon as self-doubts about my writing show themselves, I remind myself of this scripture.  I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind.  I want my garden to be free of weeds and full of beautiful flowers.

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6 thoughts on “Being Transformed

  1. Belinda I have been so busy and finally got to read todays blog. Girlfriend you are so strong and I would NEVER think anything else of you. You are human but have super human strength in mind, body and soul. Negative thoughts are natural but you constantly work on them and always strive to better yourself. You have helped me so much and so many others in your journey. In every journey there will be trials and tribulations. There will be rough terrain, smooth roads, happy times and tearful times. This you already know all too well but you still forge on to tell your story to help others. It is through the difficult times when you are tested whether in faith, physically or emotionally that you help all of us the most. I shake my head many times as if in disbelief on how much we have in common. Your words are always important to me even if I only can read them every few days. I am going for my checkup on Monday with my retinal specialist and my vision seems more vague (for lack of better words). But I know that I have someone who understands what I am going through. You. And I thank you for letting me join your journey.

    • Thanks, Pam. Sometimes I wonder what I possibly have to offer the world, then I get a nice response like yours and I see that I can make a difference. Good luck on your checkup and please let me know how it goes. Thanks for being my companion on this journey.

  2. And reading this blog on Google Chrome with enlarged print has been one of my greatest joys! Its such a positive experience for me to read someone so spiritual and positive in outlook . My own concern since starting with vision problems in 2009 has been my own negativism about my own infirmities, progressing age etc….and even as ,living in very religious Thailand, as I do,, I have had hundreds of my employees and their families praying for me almost on a daily basis at our company shrine , it didn’t penetrate as my mind seemed to have shut down. My vision was always to me my most precious asset over any material asset I have or have ever had,and to seemingly having it been taken away but by bit has demoralised me no end. I am a private spiritual person who believes strongly in a superior power but not organised religion to assist in reaching it, so I can only turn to private prayers, friends, and my mind to help me,and now this blog. How therapeutic it is to read this ! Slowly I regain confidence. Slowly. And I don’t think I want to rush it too much either…I like the feeling of waking up in the morning to the great anticipation of being somewhat better that day and trying to go back to work with a great positive attitude and spirit to get me through the day and then of course checking my results at the end of the day…and of course this blog and your helpful thoughts. Thanks!

    • Thank you so very much for your kind words. If you knew the frame of mind I was in when I began writing this post you would not think so highly of me. I really do need to do the exercise I wrote about – imagining and throwing away each negative thought and then filling my mind with positive energy and beauty and love. Physical change is hard to accept, but I keep looking for (and finding) grace within the difficulty. My progress is very slow and I have setbacks (two steps forward and one step back), but I feel like my overall journey is heading in the right direction. I am trying to move beyond “acceptance” of my vision deterioration and allow something wonderful to come from it. You are very blessed to have the support and prayers of your coworkers, as I am to have the support of my family and friends. And now we have each other! Thank you so much for your comments on my blog.

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