To Drive Or Not To Drive

Driving, driving, driving.  I spend a lot of time thinking about driving these days.  I am not supposed to drive after dark, because I absolutely can not see in dim light.  When I wake up in the morning, it is dark out.  I watch and wait for the daylight to grow stronger and stronger.  When it is fully light, I feel safe driving.  The last few days, it has been dark and rainy in the morning.  I have hated my morning commute this week.  During the summer days, I would be on the road to work at 7:00, since I love getting to work early.  Now, the clock is inching toward 8:00 before I can leave.  This means I drive in heavy traffic, which makes my commute even more stressful.  And I’m barely arriving on time, bordering on being late, which I hate.

Since it is only October, I know that the hours of daylight are going to keep getting fewer and fewer.  It will be light later in the morning and dark earlier in the evening.  A problem is staring me in the face.  I will not be able to work my regular schedule and drive in the light.  I don’t even want to think about this.  It frightens me and annoys me and makes me feel trapped.  So, I have not made any plans.  Meanwhile, every day, I get to work a little later.  I don’t know what I think is going to happen.  One day I will magically be able to see better?  Days will stop getting shorter?  This can not go on much longer.  I have to find a solution.

John has offered to drive me to and from work, although my job is in the opposite direction as his.  Nazareth has offered to help set up a “car pool” with people taking turns driving me to work, although the thought of this makes me very uncomfortable.  I could learn to take the bus, although the bus times are not convenient and I would have to transfer downtown.  I don’t like any of the solutions, so I just keep driving to work and not thinking about it.  I know I can’t hide my head in the sand forever.  I am just not ready to take this step.  I do not want to lose the independence of driving.  I know I have to make a decision soon, but I am not quite at the point of making it yet.  I know that, whatever happens, it will all work out for the best.


4 thoughts on “To Drive Or Not To Drive

  1. Belinda,
    I have watched as Patrick has lost his ability to drive for different medical reasons. I can not completely understand what either of you are experiencing, I can however love you wherever you are at and tell you so often. You are a candle in the darkness and often your soul shines brightly where others have felt bleak and alone. Patrick has chosen option two and is carpooling to work, he often feels trapped by the inability to just pick up and go but has found strength in God’s grace to get by. Whatever path you choose please know you are never alone. Remember contemplation is not the same as avoidance, you will find the best solution for your situation. Sending hugs and smiles your way, and will pray for some “Indian Summer” days!

    • Thank you, Eva, for your kind words and your love. 🙂 Thank you for sharing that Patrick is going through a similar situation. I pray that God gives us all wisdom in making decisions suc as these.

  2. You are not sticking your head in the sand. You have contemplated so many other avenues already but just have not made up your mind which choice will be the best in the long run. It will come to you and you know you will adapt well just as you have been (smiling and wanting to give you a virtual hug!). I go outside in the dark here in the rural area we live and I am lost. I can trip on a small rock, big boulder you name it. I just cant see it. It scares me to drive at night also and rainy nights as well as days make me very nervous. I drive so much slower in the dark and lights blind me and cause spots in my vision. I dread the winter and its short days but I know it will go on whether I like it or not. And I DONT like it! Ok. Just trying to put a smile on your face (giggling) but in all seriousness after reading your post just now you have really done a great deal of thinking about it (the driving). I am getting tired so please forgive me if I make no sense. It is time for bed. Have a great night and I hope tomorrow’s commute will be a good one for you ((hugs))

    • Pam, you are always on my side. You are right, I am not sticking my head in the sand. I just have not found a solution, yet, that I like. I know that something will work out. No rain for this morning’s commute, which made it much more pleasant to drive to work.

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