Now I See

My vision is really getting worse.  Yesterday, I ran into a friend downtown while I was waiting for the bus.  Even when she called my name, I did not recognize her.  She had to tell me who she was.  Today, I worked late and a woman at work gave me a ride home, because she did not want me walking to the bus stop after dark.  As she was driving, I could not see well enough to tell her where to turn onto my street.  Then, I could not see where we were on the street and could not tell her which house was mine.

Deteriorating vision has become part of my life.  I hardly notice it in the day to day.  In the last couple of days, though, I have really become aware of how bad it is.  Now I see how wonderful divine grace is to arrange everything so that I could get this job right when driving was becoming impossible and right when I needed to be in an environment with other people with visual impairments.

I really identify with the low-vision community now.  I feel so comfortable at ABVI-Goodwill, where there are people representing a full range of visual ability.  Everyone is valued, because everyone is valuable.  I don’t have to feel sorry for myself.  I don’t have to be afraid of the future.  I am so glad that I did not give in to self-pity and give up on life.  Life is good.  I am happy.  I am blessed.


11 thoughts on “Now I See

  1. Hi Belinda,
    I’ve found that resisting what is only leads to suffering, and with acceptance peace can come. It seems like your brave acceptance of your deteriorating eyesight contributes to your sense of peace and contentment. I think that’s great!

    • Thanks, Jan. You are right. When I struggle against reality, it does bring unhappiness. When I accept things as they are and look for grace in the situation, I feel peaceful and joyful. I can focus my energy on adapting and remaining independent instead of worrying about how I can change the unchangeable. Thank you for commenting.

  2. How beautiful it is that you are looking to the positive of this situation. God is good and some times we can’t “see” the good in all situations. How blessed you are to be able to “see” the good. A great deal of the time those who “see” well, don’t “see” what is really there.
    I will continue to say prayers for you and your family my friend.

  3. Belinda – How proud you must be that when you are ‘smacked in the face’ with your deteriorating vision, you can accept it and move on. I am still working on that. When I notice that my vision is worse, I panic at times and make myself so sad. Then life goes on, I perk up and thank God for all my true blessings. I think of the friends and family I have lost and remember that I have been given the gift of life, in spite of my loss of vision.

    • Gen, thanks for your comment. I think it’s important to acknowledge the losses as they happen. If we don’t allow ourselves to grieve in stages I fear it a big wave of grief might hit us at some point. But, as you say, you take a minute to be sad and then move on. There is so much beauty and grace in the world that it is hard to stay down for long if I take the time to count my blessings. Thank you so much for walking this journey with me. I didn’t really think of being proud of myself until you said I should be. Thanks.

  4. Do you have (RP) Retinitis Pigmentosa by any chance? Because I can completely relate to you as I have RP. It is really tough during low light conditions…But the fact that I have accepted this in my life has made if so much more easier for me.
    I am glad you don’t feel sorry for yourself anymore…that is an accomplishment itself… Keep your spirit high 🙂

    • Thanks, Vishal. I do not have RP, but I do have terrible trouble in dim light. It’s true that once I accepted that this is the way things are, I could get on with my life. Thank you for visiting my blog and thanks for commenting.

  5. Pingback: Tweets that mention Now I See « Losing Vision Gaining Insight --

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