Avastin Again

Tomorrow I will get another injection of Avastin in my right eye.  I should be used to it by now.  I think this is my thirteenth or fourteenth shot.  When I was getting them every few weeks, it was easier to keep in mind that they are not that bad.  Now, though, it has been about twelve weeks since my last one and I am filled with anxiety and dread.

I have so many questions that I want to ask my retina specialist tomorrow.  I don’t understand what is going on with my vision.  I still have not seen him since I had the PAM and LI tests. Although he explained the results to me over the phone, I am dissatisfied with the vagueness of his answers.  I wish I could make him give me definite answers, but I expect that I will not be able to pin him down.  He will say that tests are inconclusive, that there is an unexplained reason for the continuing vision loss, that the pictures of my retina look good, that there is a cataract but it is not causing the problem.

Most of the time, I don’t think about the “why” of my vision deterioration.  I don’t worry about what may happen in the future.  Tonight, though, with tomorrow’s injection looming, I am searching for answers.  What is going on? What, exactly, is my diagnosis? What can I expect?  Will these shots go on forever?  Is there anything else he can try?  Simple questions, but no simple answers.

Does it matter?  Do I have to understand the diagnosis and the prognosis, or is it enough to learn to accept and deal with the present situation?  I am lucky, because I know that, when a retina specialist says, “There is nothing more that can be done,” it only means that there is nothing that can be done medically. It does not mean that there are not things that can be done through vision rehab to help me cope with low vision.  It does not mean that I am alone in this uncertain terrain.  It does not mean that there is no hope.

I will try to get some answers tomorrow.  I will do my best to really listen to what he is saying.  I will try to understand what I can expect in the future.  Whether I am satisfied with the answers or not, I know that I will have people and resources to help me cope with my low vision – where it is now ans wherever it may lead me in the future.  I do not have to be afraid of anything.  Not of the Avastin injection in the eye.  Not of the unknown.  Not of the future.

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10 thoughts on “Avastin Again

  1. I am in your corner. Always. I have never been fond of the injections ever. My eyes are watering just thinking about it. You do have a right to get answers too. That is why I switched retinal specialists many years ago. I was shunned for asking questions. Oh you will get used to it (regarding my obliterated central vision). Really? And you know this how? Do you have it? So after getting nowhere with this specialist I found one that is great, caring and took time to answer all my questions. Ok he may not have the answers for everything but he was caring. I am rambling sorry (giggling quietly). Tired, long night. Again I am in your corner kiddo. Keep us posted!

    • Hi Pam. I was just thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. It is so nice to hear from you. My rs really is great. I just am not good at asking my questions. Today we had a good chat about steps we will be taking to get to the bottom of this. I think he hesitates to make guesses, which is good because I tend to jump to conclusions. It is so good to know you are in my corner. Thanks so much. Love, Belinda

      • My RS doesn’t want to second guess either and I always jump to conclusions. So you and I are alike there. It is like waiting for the next shoe to drop as I call it. I have been very busy trying to find another job and sleep has not been good to me. Not feeling so up to par (shrugging). Need to take better care of myself. I sure hope you have a wonderful Christmas and safe and Happy New Year! ((hugs)) and Love also! Pam

      • Oh, Pam, sorry to hear you have been struggling a bit. Looking for a job can be so difficult. I am sure you will find something soon. You DO need to take care of yourself. You should be as kind to yourself as you are to me! 🙂 Thanks for writing and I look forward to deepening our friendship in the New Year. Peace and Love, Belinda

  2. Good luck today. The anticipation of medical procedures fills me with dread but as you said they normally end up not being all that bad. You’re in my prayers.

    You deserve straightforward answers so that you can make educated decisions about your own health. Don’t let him out of the office until he’s answered you to your satisfaction.

    • Thanks for the encouragement. i went to the appointment with specific questions and, at least, received some reassurance that we are working toward answers. My rs is really great, I didn’t mean to make him sound uncaring. I am just an unusual case and he is cautious about making guesses. Thank you for your prayers.

    • Thanks! I don’t know what you prayed for, but I didn’t need a shot today, so thanks. I learned a lesson about not “borrowing trouble” as Grandma used to say. I really borrowed trouble by worrying about the shot that never happened and would not even have been bad if it had. Silly of me. 🙂

  3. Hallo Belinda! Not surprised you dread the injection can’t imagine being injected in the eye! You are so brave!
    Excuse my ignorance but please help me now that I use word press with user name that’s different to my twitter one do you realise its me?

    • Hi! No, I cannot tell who you are. I thought you were a new follower of my blog. Can you tell me who you are or what your twitter name was? I would love to know. Thanks, Belinda

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