I have taken another step on the journey to low vision. This time, it’s a bittersweet loss. A cloud with a silver lining. Since John and I were married, paying the bills has been my responsibility. At first, I wrote out each and every check. These days, though, I pay them through an online service at my credit union. Very simple and fast.
Except that last month, I paid one bill for a current credit card to a credit card we don’t have any more. Then, this week, as I was opening the bills, I found not one, not two, but THREE bills that I had overpaid. And, I paid the wrong amount on another bill. Aargh! I have to admit that it is necessary for me to give up this task. John and I talked about it and have decided that he is going to take over the bill-paying from now on.
I don’t mind, really. Twenty-six years is long enough to do a task. Still, I hate to admit that there is one more thing that is just too difficult for me to do. I could continue, and try to be more careful, but the task has become so stressful. Bills are difficult to read. The online bill-pay screen is difficult to read. I put amounts in the wrong little boxes, or I put the wrong amount in the boxes, and bills are paid incorrectly. As long as John is willing to take this on, I am relieved to be free from the stress of this task.
So, it is with mixed emotions that I give up this task. Sad to give up another piece of “normalcy” but happy to be free from the stress of worrying about making mistakes. Thankful to have a husband who is willing to pick up the slack when things get hard. I have to remind myself that I do not receive my identity from the things that I accomplish. Giving up a task does not diminish my value. Perhaps this step on my journey to low vision living will be like all the others that preceded it. With each step, so far, grace and blessings have been poured out on me. As I take this step into the unknown cloud, I will trust that the silver lining will be revealed to me. As I give up this task, I will keep my eyes and heart open for the blessing that I know will arrive.