Beautiful, Beautiful

When I realized that I was on the path to living with low vision, I had a hard time coming to terms with my new reality.  I have lived with uncertainty for over a year now, never knowing when the next “bleed” would occur or what the next problem might be.  With a great deal of support from family and friends, professional help from the Association for the Blind and Visually Impaired, and the grace of God, I was able to arrive at a place of peace and acceptance.  I grew to believe that my vision loss was actually a blessing in disguise, because it helped me to become a more positive person, a person who could find beauty and grace in the world.

I will always be thankful for the lessons I have learned through my low vision journey.  I believe I will have a better life now, having learned not to judge a situation as “bad” or “good” until I have time to see how God uses circumstances in a bigger picture.  Since my cataract surgery on Monday, my vision in my right eye has improved dramatically.  At first, I could hardly believe that such a miracle could have truly happened to me.  I didn’t want to get my hopes up.  I know how fragile my eyes are and, while I hope that my improved vision is permanent, I was afraid to really accept that my life has changed.  I carried around a nagging sense of worry from the time I opened my eyes in the recovery room.  I think I have been worried that this miracle might be snatched away as quickly as it was given.

I felt my worry wash away tonight as I was taking a shower.  I stood in the shower and watched the droplets of water run down the shower curtain.  As I looked at the droplets, I realized that I was seeing, really seeing.  Those tiny droplets of water were completely in focus.  I could not take my eyes off of them.  They looked so beautiful.  During the time I was watching those drops of water, I came to an understanding about my situation.  Regaining my eyesight in my right eye is a great gift.  It’s an opportunity.  Even if it is not permanent, even if it is short-lived, it is a gift that I can embrace right now.  I have the blessing of being able to see and store up sights.  Letting fear and worry about the future diminish my joy of this blessing in the present is ridiculous.  I will never forget the beauty of those little drops of water.  I am excited to look and see all of the other beauty in the world.  I have been practicing seeing with my heart.  Now, I have an opportunity to see with both my heart and my eyes.  Beautiful.  Beautiful.

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6 thoughts on “Beautiful, Beautiful

  1. Wow, how awesome is this! I’m happy for you and share vicariously in the joy at the refreshed vision. I know you have an appreciation and understanding for the fragility in life that few people ever achieve. Enjoy the blessings.

    • Thank you, Ron. I am very appreciative, although sometimes it feels a bit like skating on very thin ice. I think it will take me a while to really believe that my vision is back. Thank you for your comment and for sharing in my joy.

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