When I realized that I was on the path to living with low vision, I had a hard time coming to terms with my new reality. I have lived with uncertainty for over a year now, never knowing when the next “bleed” would occur or what the next problem might be. With a great deal of support from family and friends, professional help from the Association for the Blind and Visually Impaired, and the grace of God, I was able to arrive at a place of peace and acceptance. I grew to believe that my vision loss was actually a blessing in disguise, because it helped me to become a more positive person, a person who could find beauty and grace in the world.
I will always be thankful for the lessons I have learned through my low vision journey. I believe I will have a better life now, having learned not to judge a situation as “bad” or “good” until I have time to see how God uses circumstances in a bigger picture. Since my cataract surgery on Monday, my vision in my right eye has improved dramatically. At first, I could hardly believe that such a miracle could have truly happened to me. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I know how fragile my eyes are and, while I hope that my improved vision is permanent, I was afraid to really accept that my life has changed. I carried around a nagging sense of worry from the time I opened my eyes in the recovery room. I think I have been worried that this miracle might be snatched away as quickly as it was given.
I felt my worry wash away tonight as I was taking a shower. I stood in the shower and watched the droplets of water run down the shower curtain. As I looked at the droplets, I realized that I was seeing, really seeing. Those tiny droplets of water were completely in focus. I could not take my eyes off of them. They looked so beautiful. During the time I was watching those drops of water, I came to an understanding about my situation. Regaining my eyesight in my right eye is a great gift. It’s an opportunity. Even if it is not permanent, even if it is short-lived, it is a gift that I can embrace right now. I have the blessing of being able to see and store up sights. Letting fear and worry about the future diminish my joy of this blessing in the present is ridiculous. I will never forget the beauty of those little drops of water. I am excited to look and see all of the other beauty in the world. I have been practicing seeing with my heart. Now, I have an opportunity to see with both my heart and my eyes. Beautiful. Beautiful.