This morning I went to see my eye doctor for a one-week post-op check on my right eye. He was so happy. My vision has improved so much. At this point, my vision is better than the PAM test predicted. Apparently, a small cataract made a big difference to my vision. He is going to leave the stitch in my eye for a while longer, until it is fully healed, but things are progressing very well.
My distance vision is so good. I am amazed at the things I can see. Unfortunately, I can not see anything close. I can not read and I can hardly see the words on my computer. I still have to use MAGIC on my computer at work – enlarging the type as much as before my surgery. I thought that my eye doctor would test my eye for a new contact prescription today, but I guess it takes a while before that can happen. In the meantime, I have to make do with reading glasses.
It’s funny to enter Holy Week with this new vision. This week is all about death and resurrection, letting the old things pass away and being born to a new way of life. I feel like I am making a metamorphosis. I am coming out of the darkness and into the light, our of blurriness and into sharper vision. It is a peculiar time for me. As happy and thrilled as I am to have improved vision in my right eye, I find myself struggling with a sense of loss. My identity is changing and, even though the reason is wonderful, it is still an adjustment. Who am I, now that I have improved vision? Will I be able to hold onto the lessons I have learned? Will I be able to continue to grow, even if my eyesight stabilizes? I want to embrace this improved eyesight, which feels like a miracle, without hesitating. I describe myself as “cautiously optimistic.” I am realistic enough to know that a new vision problem, or a relapse of an old vision problem, could happen at any time. Still, today my eye doctor said my retina looks great, healthy. I can breathe a sigh of relief.
We went ahead and scheduled cataract surgery for my left eye. The doctor warned me, again, not to expect the same improvement in that eye that I have seen in my right eye. Any improvement will be an improvement. At this point, I can barely make out shapes with my left eye. Even if my focus does not improve in that eye, removing the cataract should make everything brighter. For now, more light is a good thing, a very good thing.
The best lesson to come out of this cataract surgery experience, for me, is that I treasure my new eyesight. Maybe because I don’t know how long this will last, I am just so happy with everything I see. It seems like a miracle to look at a patch of flowers and be able to see the individual flowers. Last year, all I could see were blurry patches of color. I am so grateful for all of the people who have been praying for me over this past year. I am joyful for each and every day that I open my eyes and realize that I can see. I hope I never lose that joy. I pray I never take my eyesight for granted.