I have been agonizing over how to restart my blog. Should I catch everyone up on all the things that have happened since my last post? Should I pretend I haven’t missed several weeks of posting? I wasn’t sure what to do. Finally, I have decided that I must write! So, here is my first blog post in quite a while.
It has been a busy time. I have been dealing with some stress that led to reprioritizing for me. For many reasons, I decided to leave my job at ABVI and return to Youth Ministry. I am now working in a parish that, it turns out, is a really good fit for me and I am very happy. I am blessed to be back in a ministry position.
I have struggled with whether I should continue writing this blog because my vision has improved so dramatically. I have gone from being almost ready to be labelled “Legally Blind” to being not even really low vision. With my contacts and reading glasses, I barely need accommodation to get through the day. My eye doctor even told me that I could try driving. Although I take the bus a majority of the time, I have felt confident to drive a short distance on a couple of sunny days. So, do I have a “right” to keep writing a blog called Losing Vision Gaining Insight? Will my blog lose its focus if I am not struggling with vision loss? This has really been a struggle for me. I was identifying strongly with the low vision community and it feels as if the rug has been pulled out from under me in that regard. Still, I can’t complain because my vision has improved.
I have decided to continue my blog and to keep its name. I do live with the threat of another bleed that could happen at any time. And the old posts about my surgeries continue to help people (or so they comment). And maybe people will get some hope out of my improved vision. And I have learned a lot about coming to terms with wherever I find myself – sighted or losing sight. Maybe that is the lesson. I want to always remember the things I learned about finding beauty and grace in the world – aspects of the world that I found with my heart and not my eyes. I want to keep working, every day, to find grace all around me and to thank God for creating this beautiful world. I want to make the world more beautiful in any way that I can.
So, I am going to keep writing. And I am going to try to keep gaining insight. I am handicapped, in a way, by my improved vision. I am beginning to take things for granted that I should stop and notice. It’s going to be work. It’s going to take mindfulness. Still, I know I can do it. And I know that you will help me – those of you who have found me and stayed with my blog and encouraged me through my darkest times. I know that I can step out confidently into the light. Thank you.