I went to see the Retina Specialist today. I was not expecting good news. I have had a course of treatment with Avastin shots over the last several months, at first, it seemed as if my vision might be improving. Lately, though, i have noticed deterioration.
I had retina scans and then was prepped for another shot. I expressed my thought that the shots were not doing me any good. My doctor said that he was recommending “one final treatment.”
The deterioration is caused by scarring on my macula. There is really no further treat option at this time. I am not having active bleeding (which is a good thing) but am only experiencing the aftermath of old bleeds, plus damage done because my eye is so long.
My doctor reminded me that mine has always bern identified as a progressive condition. I am very thankful for the years of restored vision that the surgeries and Avastin treatments and prayers have given me. Now, I have to come to terms with the idea that my vision is not going to improve again, short of a miracle or a new medical discovery. I was at peace with low vision once before, but have become spoiled by my return to being fully sighted.
There is good news. I can still drive. My doctor is hesitant, but says that he trusts me to know if I need to stop. I am still able to do my job. I have tons of support from family and friends. Still, It was a hard day. I gave myself permission to have a short pity party. I treated myself gently today. I stayed home from work. I took a nap. My husband spent part of the day with me. He made me a nice lunch. We went for a nice walk in the park with our dogs.
Grace is at work in my heart. I know that many blessings can come from hardship and I pray that i can walk my path with faith and trust, wherever it leads. I know that this blog has given others hope and I thank those who have shared their stories with me and with each other. I turn to this blog again as a way to find strength and solidarity with the low-vision community and also as way to work through my feelings by writing and sharing them with others.